Funny Birthday Jokes

You Know your 60th birthday is coming when

You Know your 60th birthday is coming when

Happy hour is a nap.

Things you buy now won’t wear out.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”

You and your teeth don’t sleep together anymore.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

You begin every other sentence with, “Nowadays…”

You realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.


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21st Birthday Family Tradition

Johnny had long heard the stories of an amazing 21st Birthday family tradition.

His father, grandfather, and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day, they’d each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Johnny ‘s 21st birthday came around, he and his friend Jill took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Johnny stepped out of the boat, and nearly drowned!

Jill just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Johnny went to see his grandmother. “Grandma,” he said, ‘it’s my 21st birthday, so why can’t I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?”

Granny looked deeply into Johnny ‘s troubled eyes and answered, “Because your father, your grandfather, and your great-grandfather were born in January, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you idiot.


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Speech on Wife’s 30th Birthday

A husband was giving a speech on wife’s 30th birthday, he said

Forget about the past, you can’t change it.
Forget about the future, you can’t predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.


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Short Birthday Jokes

What did you get for your birthday?
Another year!
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What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
They were all born on holidays.

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Why was the ticket checker’s son having a cake on a train seat?
It was his berth-day.


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Birthday Gift

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks,‘I‘ll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her 60th birthday.‘Well, you can imagine her disappointment.The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn‘t get her anything. She says, ‘Why didn‘t you get me a birthday present!?‘He replies, ‘You didn‘t use what I got you last year!‘


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Little Surprise

The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he’d like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife’s 60th birthday.

“A little surprise, eh?” smiled the clerk.

“You bet,” answered the customer. “She’s expecting a cruise.”


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40th Birthday Present

A husband asked his wife what she wanted for her 40th birthday.

“Would you like a new mink coat?” he asked.

“Not really,” said the wife.

“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” said the husband.

“No,” she responded

“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggested

She again rejected his offer.

“Well what would you like for your birthday?” the husband asked.

“I’d like a divorce,” answered the wife.

“Sorry, I wasn’t planning to spend that much,” said the husband.


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