A redneck came home and found his house on fire, he rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, “Hurry over here. My house is on fire!”
“OK,” replied the fireman, “how do we get there?”
“Shucks, don’t you still have those big red trucks?”
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A woman came storming at the Postal counter. She gave a parcel Pick-up notice and complained, “This morning, your mailman came with our parcel for delivery. He left this note for us to pick up from Post office, but my husband was home all the time. Why could not he knock our doors and deliver parcel at home?”
The Post master was polite and apologetic. He went inside brought the parcel and delivered it to the lady. Then just casually he asked, “Ma’am what is inside this parcel that upsets you so much?”
The lady replied, “My husband’s first new hearing aids.”
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A blonde was filling out an accident report. She had dented a parked car while trying to park her own.
One question on the report was, “What could the operator of the other vehicle have done to avoid the accident?”
She wrote, “He could have parked it somewhere else.”
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An interoffice baseball game was held every year between the marketing and support staff of one company. The support staff whipped the marketing department soundly.
To show just “how” the marketing department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the bulletin board after the game:
“The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the 2007 baseball Season, we came in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year.
The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game.”
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Three Redneck Ricky, Jimmy, and Stewart were out riding their bikes one afternoon when a fire engine zoomed past with blaring sirens.
The three kids noticed a Dalmatian on the front seat of the fire engine.
Ricky commented, “They use that dog to keep the crowds back.”
“No,” said Jimmy, “he’s just for good luck.”
But Stewart knew better, “No, that’s not it,” he said. “The dog is there to give them directions to the nearest fire hydrant!”
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A large two-engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance, one of the engines broke down. “No problem,” the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.
Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill.
The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:
“Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly.”
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I will try to figure out why I “really” need 10 e-mail addresses.
When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, “LOL… LOL!”
I resolve to work with my own neglected children.
I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
I will try to spend at least one hour without internet when I am not sleeping
I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning when I wake to go to washroom.
I will stop sending e-mail to my better half for letting him/her know when I will be coming down for dinner
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